I’m assuming you’re offering your soul for eternal damnation, and you’re not asking for everything in return! Wow, such generosity! There is always room in hell for charitable soul like yours.

As for your follow up comment that I’m “a loser forever”, I sense you are an impatient fellow. I apologize for my tardy response, however, please keep in mind there are millions waiting in line to get into hell.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some sex, sin and debauchery to attend to.

See you soon, my son.

Louis

I will grant you your wish, however, keep in mind you are selling your soul to satisfy your shallow, greedy, self-centered desires (i.e. eternal life and personal wealth). Furthermore, while experiencing eternal life as a vampire, you will be slaughtering innocent humans in order to drink their blood. In exchange for this blissful existence, I get your soul, which includes all feelings of compassion for others including your family. Hence, there will be no special protection for your loved ones. They will be subject to merciless, diabolical death, just like every other mortal. Think this is unfair? Your damned right it is. Who do you think you’re dealing with, sister?

Louis